Love and Alzheimer’s Journal

7 May

I am about to publish my book. This is the last entry in the book plus the next week’ journaling back in 2017. The journal part of the book got too long to include all of it in the printed and electronic version, so I decided to put the rest in here as a blog. To get you up to date: Vera is recovering well from breaking her pelvis about a month and half earlier; She still has a chronic cough but not as bad as it once was. I also found out that it is more than possible to have a great orgasm with a broken pelvis.

April 12 2017…
I got up around 6AM this morning. I put together a love poem for Vera, as today is our 34th anniversary. Here it is.

How I’ve been doing it I don’t really know
You keep me going when I no longer can go
A celestial comet an orbital space
Coming together at just the right pace
I hold your mind I keep you on track
I’m on your side I’ve got your back
We be near and we go far
We are love and love we are
Becoming one is a miraculous feat
You make it easy and a glorious treat
I’ve become you and you’ve become me
There is no other just a total we
We be near and we go far
We are love and love we are.

Vera is still sleeping peacefully now around 7:30. She coughed a lot yesterday in the first half of the day but she coughed a lot less during the second part and had a quiet night. The noise still triggers my pain body but I am able to be more aware of it than ever. Vera seemed to be upset with me for a short time yesterday. We were expecting a client and then some workers were climbing up by our new glass doors and going to the floor above us to install their new doors. They were making an awful racket. Our client showed up around the same time and Vera kind of lumped the two together and wanted no part of the session. Considering how well Vera had gotten off the day before I was hopeful that she would join us but she did not seem at all interested and blamed me for the disruptive noise. Our woman student was very understanding and was again able to non-confront the noise and everything else and had a great time. Once she left the noise also stopped and Vera felt a lot better. Vera ate all of her dinner and we had a nice and quiet evening holding hands in bed before going to sleep.

April 13..
I am writing in the early AM again. I woke up later again but did my yoga like and stretching exercises and drank my smoothie and feel pretty good. Vera loved the anniversary card I gave her with the poem and each time she noticed it, which was often and a brand new experience, it had her feel loved and she got a big kick out of it. She liked when I told her each time that it was from me. I got a lot of mileage out of that little card. I also posted it on FB and it got many likes and much love from our friends. I wanted to take Vera out for lunch but it was gloomy outside and I was tired so we both took a little nap before eating lunch here. The weather cleared some after eating and I wanted to pick up a book that I had reserved from the library. Vera came with me and was walking so well we extended the walk to the downtown mall area. This was the longest walk so far and Vera only mentioned having a little pain a couple of times.

I prepared a delicious salad for dinner and asked Vera if she would like to have an orgasm and have her pussy played with. She was very agreeable so I put the salads in the refrigerator and we went to the bedroom. Vera had another fairly intense and fairly long orgasm. She got off on whatever I was doing. I started with my middle finger on her clitoris and she had a perfect peak to start with. I then switched to my index finger. I could feel her engorge even more and take off on a higher level. Her contractions were popping and strong. It was easy and fun and she was enjoying it. I continued using the index finger and varying the stroke ever so slightly and Vera responded to my manual manipulations. It would have made a great demonstration for our client the day before as to how to come easily and strongly but I enjoyed the privacy of just the two of us, which is what Vera wanted.

I was engorged after we finished and had Vera put her hands on my cock, as I was still sitting by her side. After I put some lubricant on myself she continued with pleasuring me. She really enjoyed herself and so did I. Vera peaked me a few times and took me over with a steady and speedy stroke that took me for a surprise as to how good she can do it when she wants to.

We cleaned ourselves up. Vera put on some fresh panties and we had the salad that was waiting for us in the kitchen. It felt like somebody else had made it and we really ate with gusto. Vera just woke up and kissed me on the neck, as I was writing here. I have to go.

April 14..
It is the next day. I did not write this morning at my usual early period. It is close to 11AM. Vera had breakfast with me and is lying on the floor in the living room doing the static back exercise. I got up fairly early this morning and after my smoothie I put in the white towels etc. to wash downstairs. Then I walked to Trader Joes. It was sunny and cool out but I felt like taking a walk. Vera was sleepy plus I just gave her a Benadryl to prevent her from coughing too much. I made some pancakes when I returned. Vera got up to eat with me. I had given her a piece of a Lorazapam also with some Sudafed. She liked the pancakes but was still a bit hungry. She did not cough yet and I thought it would be good to not give her any more food but she persisted so I gave her a little of the smoothie. Vera enjoyed that too but did start coughing a few minutes later. She might have coughed anyhow even if I did not give her the smoothie but I won’t know now. She was tired from the pills and that is why she is lying on the floor now.

Yesterday we had taken a nice hike all the way to Whole Foods for the first time for Vera since her accident. It was partly sunny and a bit breezy. We had started to leave the house a few minutes earlier but this dark cloud appeared and we did not have an umbrella. We went back to the house until the shower stopped and it got sunnier again. We were dressed for cool weather so we were OK the second time out, plus I took an umbrella this time. We did not need it however. We stopped to have lunch at the Nordstrom Cafe on the third floor on the way home. Vera did not really like the salmon salad and only ate a little of it. We did have a nice kiss in the elevator. I ate most of mine but it was not even close to as tasty as the salads that I concoct. We walked home and did not go out again, as the long walk was tiring for Vera.

We had a quiet evening and quiet night.

Yesterday was Good Friday and we had a pretty good day. After the sleepy morning that I described above we took a walk with our friend Sandy. Vera had stopped coughing pretty much after lunch and was good for the rest of the day though I continued to give her Benadryl and lots of lollipops each time that she threatened to go on one of her coughing routes. We fell asleep around 10 and Vera did not object.
Vera woke up early this Saturday morning. It is middle of the afternoon now, as I did not get a chance to write this morning. She kept talking about water and if the water was running. I was not sure what she meant but offered her some water to drink. She drank a whole glass of it. She also said she felt dry. I told her to drink more water but it will be up to me. She also said that we should eat more because I was too thin. I told her that I had gained a few pounds over the past few months and that I ate about 5 meals a day. She finally went back to sleep. I got up and had my smoothie and coconut oil etc. Then I went back to bed to see if I could get a few more winks. I did and got up before 9AM and made us some oatmeal.

After breakfast I got Vera to take a shower. She had been resisting the shower for a couple of days already and I was more persistent this time. This was the first time she was able to get into the shower like a normal person without a transfer bench and to stand under the water. It made it easier on me because I had to do less bending over. After blow-drying her hair we took a walk around town. Vera had some pain so I gave her some Aleve. It helped some and she complained less. Around one of the major intersections downtown there were a huge group of people protesting Trump and his policies. This was the largest protest that I have witnessed since moving to Walnut Creek in 1992.

I got a couple of new books from the library last week. One of them is a science fiction book called Dark Matter. It is not the greatest book but it is a page-turner, as I want to find out what happens next to this guy Jason who is narrating the story. It will probably make a good movie too. The other book is called Moonglow by one of my favorite authors Michael Chabon. It is stories from his life mostly about his grandparents and their lives. He writes really well and even though it is not a page-turner I am enjoying it.

April 16..
I did not write yesterday. It was Easter Sunday but that was not the reason. There was just not much new to report. I got up later this morning too and feel well rested but Vera is still asleep. I felt some turn-on yesterday from Vera but we ate tasty food for Easter breakfast and did not have any orgasmic touching. I made the blueberry buckwheat pancakes for breakfast. One was covered with strawberries and one with a fried egg. I also added some sautéed baby kale plus sautéed mushrooms and sautéed sweet potato for a side dish. I did watch a lot of basketball this weekend, as the NBA playoffs started and there were a few really good contested games.

Tuesday the 18th of April. We had a good night’s sleep again. Vera is awake but still in bed this morning. After writing yesterday and having breakfast together Vera went back to bed. I took a quick walk to Whole Foods by myself. By the time I got back Vera was up and ready to go out for a walk. We went to Target, which is not too far but Vera went there without any pain pills and did not complain of any pain. Vera did not feel well in the afternoon after lunch. She had loose bowels and I had to clean it up a couple of times. I do not mind that. She was coughing less for some reason and I was glad of that. She spent most of the rest of the day in bed but seemed to be feeling better. I read in a couple of the library books and did some exercises and hung out with Vera in the bedroom. She did not have any dinner except for a banana, which she enjoyed.

It is the next morning. I am waiting for my Amazon Fresh order to arrive. It did before I finished that sentence. They screwed up the order but refunded me already and they are sending out the right almond milk. The Granny Smith apples were also too small. Last time they sent the larger ones, which are easier for cutting up when I cook them. I do like the service but will not be keeping it because of the monthly fee.

We had a very nice day yesterday. We walked to Whole Foods and back. Vera did not take any pain pills and was only tired toward the end. She coughed a bit but not too bad and her bowels were back to normal. She ate all three of her meals plus a couple of snacks in between. I washed her hair and gave her a facial scrub after breakfast before walking. We had a pleasurable make-out before dinner. She got off quickly and the intensity was only fair but fun. Vera also participated with me in getting me off and it felt fantastic to have her hands on me. She was moaning like it was her own orgasm, which it kind of was.

Vera is also being cute. She does not remember words for a lot of things but uses substitute words and hand motions so I usually understand what she means. Instead of the word “peeing” this morning she used the word dripping. She went back to bed and is asleep now.

I did not write yesterday as Vera woke up early. We did have a beautiful day together. After breakfast we took back all of the medical equipment that I had gotten from John Muir Health services including the wheel chair, walker, cane and bath transfer bench. It cleared up our deck where they had been crowding out our Christmas cactus plants. Then I drove us to Trader Joes but we first walked over to Whole Foods and then walked back to Trader Joes to finish our food-shopping spree. Vera did mention that it was so far but she was able to walk it easily enough.

We came back home and Vera was agreeable to take a shower. Since we had returned the bath transfer bench she had to do it standing up and she did it just fine. Vera kept saying throughout the day how much she loved me and how important I am to her. She asked me at one point if I liked her and I told how much I loved her. I then asked her is she liked me and she looked at me and said that I was so big in her life and that she loved me so much.

After lunch we took another walk around town with a friend. I am not sure if Vera would have gone without the extra appetite for a walk. She was tired and hurting by the time we got back but did the static back exercise on the floor and some other exercises that I gave her including ankle circles and point flexes. I asked her how her pain was and Vera replied with, “What pain”. Those are the words I love to hear.

Before dinner Vera asked me a couple of times “What do you want me to do now?” I finally remembered that she might mean that she wants to have sex, especially when she pulled down her pants. I offered her to have an orgasm and she said “OK”. It was the best one since her accident. I put my hand and forearm on her lower body, more feeling my pleasure than stroking her and Vera started having strong contractions. I cupped my hand around her pussy area and pressed it and released it and Vera liked that too. I finally put some lubricant on and gave her three really nice peaks directly on her spot. I even stopped before she had enough each time and she went for another peak that way. They were not too long but quite intense. I enjoyed them but must admit that the foreplay or off the clitoris touches were more memorable even this time than the direct touches. Vera’s hands were cold and I like that on my cock, which was already engorged and she took me for a fun orgasmic ride of my own in the same position that we were in, as she used her left hand mostly. She squirted me effortlessly as I was turned on from looking at her great legs that were in a great sexy position right in front of my eyes. It was dinnertime and I made a delicious salad. The organic Driscoll blackberries that we had gotten from Whole Foods were especially delicious. Vera ate every bite this time with gusto, even licking up the extra dressing from the bottom of the plate.

We slept pretty well last night except around 4AM Vera got up because her mouth tasted funny. She did some spitting without coughing in the bathroom at least and came back to bed and fell back to sleep. I would like her to use the coconut oil swooshing that I do to get her mouth better but have not pursued that with enough intention as of yet.

At this point I believe that I will self publish this book, as I have not heard back from the publisher or from any of the agents that I tried to reach. I am also going to have a professional edit this manuscript so it will be in the best form possible. I am going to continue to write here as I see fit and also once the book is published to continue this journey with you as a blog on

April 20:
It is a couple of mornings later. Vera woke up again in the middle of the night and repeated the phrase “I don’t know”. I asked her what she did not know but she did not know that either. I told her that I knew and she should go back to sleep. After repeating go back to sleep a few times Vera fell back to sleep and so did I. I woke up around 7AM, which is late for me but I felt refreshed. I did my coconut oil swooshing but Vera woke up again and started spitting in the sink. She did not want to try the coconut oil so I gave her some water to sip. She then said she wanted some fruit and I listed all the fruit we had. I gave her the Prilosec so she could eat in half an hour. She is spitting again now so I have to go.

It is a couple of days later again. Vera recovered from her spitting episode. She does that frequently. We saw the doctor today and she does not know what causes all of Vera’s idiosyncrasies including the spitting. She says that she has a little bit of nasal congestion and to maybe use Flonase. However she told us that before and we tried it and it did not do any good plus Vera did not like using it anyhow. Vera lost a few pounds but I gained a few since we were on a scale the last time. I am above 130 for the first time since my hospital stay last July.

Chad and Kristina, our friends who were traveling in Thailand and elsewhere for about a year visited us yesterday and spent the night. They were fun to see again. Vera did not remember them of course but we all got along as usual. They are moving back to Colorado so I do not know how much that we will be seeing them. I still think that I would like to live with other people but meanwhile we are doing just fine on our own.

Last night was difficult. I was tired and wanted to go to sleep and Vera wanted my attention. I told her that I loved her and would talk with her tomorrow. She would accept that but then a few minutes later would start up again about if I loved her. This went on for hours it seemed. She got up a number of times too, which also woke me up. Maybe I could have just hugged her at each request but I was tired and not thinking very straight. This morning I am up and she is sleeping. I just hugged her and she smiled at me. I am sure all is forgiven on her end.

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